Have you ever slipped some cash under the table or called for a quick fix for your problem?
The world is a dark place and around a trillion dollars are exchanged in bribes every year and India alone suffered a loss of 364 billion rupees in a year due to 2G scams, the commonwealth games and mining.
However, on a personal level, have YOU ever bribed anybody? Personally, I have never had the opportunity and this leads me to ask- "How do you bribe somebody?"
Step 1: Learn about who you are bribing
Understanding your target is an important factor in bribing somebody. You do not want to end up in a position where you offer the target some money and he says no. What will you do then? It will be awkward as hell! What if he calls the police?
So, you must know the person in and out and find out if he is susceptible to the dark arts and has ever committed the offence before. Also find out how much he normally would take for a bribe and how much power and authority he has. For example, if he is a teacher, he really cannot help you become the head boy of the school or admit you back into school for higher studies if you have failed or misbehaved gravely in the past. That is the job of the principal, who probably is not as easy as the teacher and will often expect a greater "donation to the school."
One key thing to remember is that EVERYBODY IS CORRUPTIBLE. Everybody can be bribed and even the so called "un-corruptible" are very susceptible to bribes.
In fact, Red Sea Scandal had over 50 "un-corruptible" government employees.
Step 2: Work up on you approach
There are two ways to approach a person for a bribe, clothing wise. If the person is a high authority, like the principal, then dress up formally, but if the target is a clerk or a lower member of the corporate hierarchy, then you can dress up semi formally. Never walk up to bribe somebody in sweatpants.
You have to be able to play on your words while approaching your target. You cannot be blunt and tell the target that you are offering a bribe or a large sum of money in exchange of something. A universally accepted phrase is "I'm sure we can work something out." In india, it is much easier to bribe somebody: you can mention the code word for a bribe- "Chai pani" and the target, if used to the ways of the dark arts, will understand and comply.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you may not even have to approach the target and can make a generous "donation" in the name of the target or organisation. Such is the case in schools and non profits
Step 3: Do not act desperate
An important part of the deal is your posture an the way you behave. You must behave in a calm and chilled out manner. You must not portray yourself to be desperate because then you leave openings for the target to exploit you or sweeten the pot for him. do not directly jump into the deal. Start talking about something you know he likes and slowly change the topic to the deal. Begin your negotiable terms at a low value so that you can feel the target out and know how much he may actually want. This may help you save some money for a bribe for another day. If you start high, then you might reach the limit of what you can afford and he may demand more.
Step 4: Try not to get rejected
The last thing you want is to get rejected for the bribe.
Have you ever thought what happens immediately after your target says no? You look at him and he looks back at you in an awkward tension and nobody talks. He will call security and report you. If he has recording cameras in his room, you may get locked up and your days in bribing and even business will be over, unless you can, of course, bribe the judge.
So try not to get rejected.
Bribery is terrible and bribing anybody is not recommended at all. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. So, if you do have to bribe somebody, then it is best you keep low and do it. Inversely you could also be the target for somebody. In this case, you should ideally carry out the deal, but if you feel extra pesky, you can always accept the cash and not carry out the deal. The briber can in no way complain to the authorities. What will he say? "He took my bribe money and didn't carry out his end!" Most bribes are given in the form of gifts and hence you won't have to even pay taxes, so all your money will remain clean. But be careful! Know who you are dealing with because if you do that to a gangster, you will literally get waterboarded in a back room, or worse, get your brains blown out.
The world is a dark place and around a trillion dollars are exchanged in bribes every year and India alone suffered a loss of 364 billion rupees in a year due to 2G scams, the commonwealth games and mining.
However, on a personal level, have YOU ever bribed anybody? Personally, I have never had the opportunity and this leads me to ask- "How do you bribe somebody?"
Step 1: Learn about who you are bribing
Understanding your target is an important factor in bribing somebody. You do not want to end up in a position where you offer the target some money and he says no. What will you do then? It will be awkward as hell! What if he calls the police?
So, you must know the person in and out and find out if he is susceptible to the dark arts and has ever committed the offence before. Also find out how much he normally would take for a bribe and how much power and authority he has. For example, if he is a teacher, he really cannot help you become the head boy of the school or admit you back into school for higher studies if you have failed or misbehaved gravely in the past. That is the job of the principal, who probably is not as easy as the teacher and will often expect a greater "donation to the school."
One key thing to remember is that EVERYBODY IS CORRUPTIBLE. Everybody can be bribed and even the so called "un-corruptible" are very susceptible to bribes.
In fact, Red Sea Scandal had over 50 "un-corruptible" government employees.
Step 2: Work up on you approach
There are two ways to approach a person for a bribe, clothing wise. If the person is a high authority, like the principal, then dress up formally, but if the target is a clerk or a lower member of the corporate hierarchy, then you can dress up semi formally. Never walk up to bribe somebody in sweatpants.
You have to be able to play on your words while approaching your target. You cannot be blunt and tell the target that you are offering a bribe or a large sum of money in exchange of something. A universally accepted phrase is "I'm sure we can work something out." In india, it is much easier to bribe somebody: you can mention the code word for a bribe- "Chai pani" and the target, if used to the ways of the dark arts, will understand and comply.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you may not even have to approach the target and can make a generous "donation" in the name of the target or organisation. Such is the case in schools and non profits
Step 3: Do not act desperate
An important part of the deal is your posture an the way you behave. You must behave in a calm and chilled out manner. You must not portray yourself to be desperate because then you leave openings for the target to exploit you or sweeten the pot for him. do not directly jump into the deal. Start talking about something you know he likes and slowly change the topic to the deal. Begin your negotiable terms at a low value so that you can feel the target out and know how much he may actually want. This may help you save some money for a bribe for another day. If you start high, then you might reach the limit of what you can afford and he may demand more.
Step 4: Try not to get rejected
The last thing you want is to get rejected for the bribe.
Have you ever thought what happens immediately after your target says no? You look at him and he looks back at you in an awkward tension and nobody talks. He will call security and report you. If he has recording cameras in his room, you may get locked up and your days in bribing and even business will be over, unless you can, of course, bribe the judge.
So try not to get rejected.
Bribery is terrible and bribing anybody is not recommended at all. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. So, if you do have to bribe somebody, then it is best you keep low and do it. Inversely you could also be the target for somebody. In this case, you should ideally carry out the deal, but if you feel extra pesky, you can always accept the cash and not carry out the deal. The briber can in no way complain to the authorities. What will he say? "He took my bribe money and didn't carry out his end!" Most bribes are given in the form of gifts and hence you won't have to even pay taxes, so all your money will remain clean. But be careful! Know who you are dealing with because if you do that to a gangster, you will literally get waterboarded in a back room, or worse, get your brains blown out.
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